the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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