if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
