I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
