Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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