you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
