So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
