I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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