I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
