i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Semen is not good for contacts.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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