i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
