Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
