"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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