How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
