end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
