she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
