It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
