can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
