I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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