we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
