Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
