What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
