She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
