I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
