Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
