HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
