Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
