I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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