I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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