Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
