I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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