There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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