I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
