So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
