So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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