Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
