i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
