saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
