yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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