She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
