I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
