My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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