the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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