What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
