I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
