you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
