none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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