so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
