My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
