she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
