so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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