2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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