It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
